A Soft Answer Turns Away Wrath

“In a clash of wills, Colonel, he who shouts loudest has lost.” Cora Templeton Massengale – The Hallelujah Trail (1965)

“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1 (ESV)

When I was a very young Christian and just starting out in the workforce, I took a job as a field service technician for a cash register company. This was in the days when mechanical cash registers had not yet been replaced with electronic point-of-sale terminals. What I didn’t realize when I took the job was that they wanted a ‘fire fighter’. That is, someone to go into the field and work at the sites of clients who had service contracts but hadn’t had their equipment serviced as promised. Understandably, most of these mom-and-pop stores and small business customers were pretty unhappy when a long lost service person finally showed up at their door. It only took a few days on the job to realize that I was either going to have to grow a thick skin, or find a congenial way to disarm the ire of my clients when I arrived. This job and the resulting trials taught me one of the most important lessons of my life.

The epiphany came in the middle of a particularly challenging day. After making a couple of calls on the east side, the next stop was a small men’s clothing store downtown. After being further aggravated by the search, I found a parking spot a couple of blocks from the address and walked down with my tool case. The storefront that was visible from the sidewalk was meticulously set up, and stepping through the door it was obvious that the proprietor took great pride in his establishment. It was clean, well appointed and nicely arranged. This only heightened my anxiety. I walked past the display racks and tables in search of the errant machine, at the same time bracing myself for the expected onslaught when the owner discovered I was a service representative.

It wasn’t long before the owner came out of the back of the store and pleasantly inquired if he could help me. As soon as I identified myself, his countenance changed and the tirade began. As quietly and politely as I could manage, I listened for around five minutes while the gentleman blasted me, the company, and the weather, then started on the issues with the machine. When he appeared to finish, I simply responded “Sir, you are rightly upset by the service you have received. I won’t try to defend the past, but I’m here today to make it right.” He immediately turned on his heels and went to the back of the store without saying anything, so I really didn’t know what he was thinking.

His machine was a beautiful Class 61, four drawer register from the late 1940s with faux wood finish on the cabinet and gold trim. It was immaculate like everything else in the store. Wanting to make good on my promise, I went to work doing the repairs and preventive maintenance. After an hour or so, as I was putting the finishing touches on the cabinet, he came out of the back room again. In his hand were samples of colognes and other toiletries.

This was a little confusing to me. However, all became clear as he asked me to hold out my hands. With a sheepish smile he said “Here’s a little something to help make up for the way I treated you when you came in. I was pretty angry when I found out you represented the company that failed me. You are just trying to do your job. Please accept my apology.” Admittedly, given all the other experiences I had, this took me aback and I didn’t really know how to respond. After giving a quick smile and saying “Of course” I immediately redirected the conversation to his machine, asking him to try it out and see if it was satisfactory.

On my way back to the car I was sorting out the incident in my mind. It suddenly occurred to me that I had heard a Proverb that described what had happened. When I got home, I got out my Strong’s Concordance and thrashed around for a while until I found what I was looking for (there was no internet in the 1970s.) It was Proverbs 15:1, ‘A soft answer turneth away wrath: But grievous words stir up anger.’ (KJV.)

Of course this was not the last grand flash of the obvious in my life, but it was certainly one of the deepest hitting and longest lasting. Over the years since that fateful encounter I’ve tried to let the ‘soft answer’ philosophy guide most of my responses to antagonistic people. Being human, it is certain that I have not always been successful, but I do know that it has defused many tense and hostile situations.

What about you? Can you think of a particular encounter you’ve had that made a lasting difference in your life? I’d like to hear about it if you’re willing to share it. Other thoughts?

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